On The Night I Fell In Love With You

on the night I fell in love with you
I stood on a stage and lost every word
the paper in my hand shook
like Shechtman's quasicrystals
like Rabin and Arafat in 93
and the foundations of their city
every year after
no one warned me about this
that I'd try to deliver my lines
(as I had countless times) and fail
that your soft shoulder would cave me
drill me down into my better self
grow me stronger, keep me speechless
no one stepped in to explain
that I wouldn't be able to concentrate
on anything except writing your name
if anyone would've mentioned that this blue marble
(which has been shot putted tangentially
into a lonely corner
looping a single star)
has been withholding you for 27 turns,
I would've lost my mind trying to find you
all the sooner to fall headlong into oblivion
on the night I fell in love with you
it was all I could do to ask you for a walk
away from the crowd and into graveyard storms
to climb with me into trees and metaphors
feel the gasping, pulsing comfort of woven arms
and listen to the branches of my silence
if someone had told me that you would acquiesce,
and even match my awkward gait
I would have told them wars don't end with hand-shakes
but with confidence as unshakable as Shechtman's
and also, my balance, that falling is only the beginning to being

Skin & Shrapnel

we both wanted to be so man-overboard
that we actually believed the things we said
I knew I was just your favorite phrase
embroidered on your pincushion heart
& I should've told you in the beginning-
I'm not such a nice girl & no one's forever
I get bored with the cheesecake sweet
almost believing make-up sex is worth it
but the busted beer bottle bad in bed
couldn't drown out the echo of the sorry
we both felt but couldn't say
my face was buried in your sigh
your legs were wrapped around my shrug
maybe there was a subtler way for us to end
than the shards of skin & shrapnel we became
you said soon I'll hardly be your anything
in such a way you thought it would hurt
maybe if I were any kind of nice girl
it would.
it's taken all this time to bare the truth
we both fell more for the story
than for each other.

How To Begin

because I'd rather bend google toward answering
the difference between falling in love and loving
than
the difference between puppets running for office
although I know equally little about both
and less and less each day
because I'd rather fail with watercolor
than succeed with 10-key and shorthand
I am only the secretary to the wonder of the now
not made to bend with polite questioning
ready to storm the castle or tourist the moat
at the first offered hand
because you end up in every pinnacle of my thoughts
and remain long after I have laid them all out
stitched single-file and alphabetical
because they said I should never say I and or because
because neuroscientists and shamans frown alike
brain-cells and spirits are prone to disintegrate
each time I tip my mug
because sometimes I just want to be fucked raw
match the external to the internal scream
quiet the indoor voices to match the outer orbits
which take so many headphones to hear
because I'm not done yet
but I'm still not sure how to begin.

Born Yesterday

may you be born yesterday

and tomorrow

and today

may you die a small death

every night

may you wake naïve

with troubles forgotten

with a taste of gratitude

to be given a body of air

a new start for your journey

may you lay your head

sun-heavy; no task uncompleted

knowing you spent each moment

making hard decisions gracefully

pushing yourself further

to love unafraid of consequence

not clinging to what may come

or has already past-

grateful to have travelled here at all.

may you die every night

and be reborn every day

may we all.

The Taste of Our Pace

this is not the story of us

a fish                     a bird

       f                   r

         e             o

           l         f

               l             

and worship made

a meal of him

little spaces with you

& the world stops

we become all to each other

I am the flow

of our stream

you are the tide

of our shore

& together we make canyons

from mountains

we could not move

Pier Fishing With Dynamite

they say everyone’s got secrets

well, I guess his origin is mine

don’t think I’m ashamed

it’s just a lot to say

they don’t have scripts

for this sort of thing

& truth is always easier

when it's someone else's

mostly I'm still stunned

by his quick miracle

that a man gave me my son

then walked out

& doesn't even know

that my ex-girl

gets visitation

what do I tell him she is?

have you read it?

the wise-man says

    “if it’s messy, eat over the sink.”

so no, I’m not ashamed

I know life isn’t always

cut and paste

sometimes it’s tear and erase

When You Walked In

to see your smile just for me now

& though you said you could never

somehow we both already have

the breeze ruffling your hair

our nearness catching me off guard

the brush and touch

of skin

to skin

like oh, hello

I didn’t know

you were there

and when can I see you again?

when can I taste your fingertips

and entwine them

under mine?

I had something to tell you

but other ears were listening in

sometimes, even in our own lives,

we can’t really live

I wanted to catch up

and say something clever

hope you'd fall for my wit

somehow cloud my expression

which sighs: each day with you

a feeling grows stronger 

that I don't want to spend another

without you.

missing you becomes cavernous

ridiculous

& though I never wanted this

somehow I was meant to

I’m wondering what would you think?

what are you thinking,

doing, seeing

when I am not near you

and when I am that careful distance

between close & not close enough

the thirst aches comfortable

it's all I need

to watch your hushed cup fill

empty

fill