Jah-dess

Before I begin, let me tell you that, to me, god is a placeholder word

for something that language cannot explain

I'll do my best to try.

You asked me where god was when the towers fell, and I'll tell you-
you remember exactly where you were when you heard the news
because god was coming through
That horror and shock and vomit-tasting disgust you felt-
you knew it was wrong
Things like this shouldn't happen, god whispered,
We shouldn't do these things to ourselves.
In the moments before anger turned to blame- you were aware.

There is no them, there is only us

 

Maybe it's as simple as my mom never cleaning my room,
even though I begged, and that was love.
This is our mess, friends. If nothing changes nothing changes.
I don't believe in a world that can be bought with dollars
(although the foolish will try), it takes a common sense to make things happen
Consciousness. Conscientiousness.

I've watched Pele march into the sea, destroying peaceful gardens in her wake
I couldn't understand what a flower had done wrong
But you can't fight the death lava and ash bring
can't cage it or send it to someone else's garden
sometimes
innocent things are destroyed
so that islands will rise.

I could move to San Francisco where they're kinder to boys in dresses,
but boys can look pretty here.
I could move to France where they have healthcare that makes sense,
but we deserve that here.
I could move to Dharamsala where they understand that peace is patriotic,
but this should be true for all of earth.

 

You asked where god was like there's a timeclock in the sky
and god only checks in sometimes
But honey, god doesn't check out- we do.
I know.
Giving up is the easiest thing you can do.

I sat and planned out my own death- emotionless, selfish
journals thrown away, a past I couldn't face
clothes chosen and gun in hand
and god was there
showed me how that conversation would go for my five-year-old
to be told his mother was dead because I didn't think I was even alive anymore.
god urged, I am to you, what you are to him. Don't do this.
I shrugged, my son was better off, who needs a suicidal mom?
But
you can't tell a child they're better off without hope.
without someone to show them that things will get better,
and all you have to do is not give up.
god whispered in the wind, I am here.

Killing yourself wont bring us closer.

It will tear us apart, my love.
Look into the face of your son to see me
I'm the taste of hope to a starving nation
to be fed and know you are not forgotten
I'm the sound of raindrips to a growing field- effortless.
I'm the smell of a thousand memories we have lived through
together
and a million more we have left to make
I am that feeling of home that lives in you
and you don't have to die to get to it
because I gave it to you so that you could live
and with each breath you have ever taken,
I've done my best to show you
I am right here.