Space Between The Notes

I have never been good at good-bye

always preferring the french exit

I have been known to wander off mid-sentence
afraid of the seriousness of a last moment
good-byes often feel more like love
then a hello ever could

but recently,
I wanted to take every page in every journal I've ever had
& wallpaper my living room
with the constellation of my thoughts.
To weigh out my deep melancholy
to understand
what it all has meant.
I wanted to feel my whole life
in one breath.
(&)
I noticed that when I stop thinking so much
It's possible
imminent
It's all that anything has ever been about

I wanted to see you again
to tell you
sometimes really bad things happen
& that I never wanted them for you
that I've felt
I cant do anything to stop it
I wanted to tell you that I noticed
how you never take yourself seriously
& I guess what I'm trying to say-

it's the space between the notes
that make the music
& it's the times when I go so long
without having your laughter
brim my ears
which makes me glad to know you
I think about how much you love ugly porcelain tchotchkes

which I would like to take a 9 iron to

and how you adore potato salad with extra vinegar and mustard

and my salivary glands pucker in disgust

and how much you love sonic youth

even though I promise you, it's just noise

But, I love that you love differently than I do

in your absence I especially know

this world is too big for my t-rex arms

and I hope when you slink into the dark places at night

you feel the stardust that you've left behind